Ghosts in San Antonio

I returned to my hometown this week to visit a friend who I haven't seen in four years. I once read that when you go home and feel strange it's never due to the changed surroundings but rather the changes within yourself. I felt like a shadow driving past strip malls and restaurants that I used to frequent.  It's weird to go home and not visit the people and family that once made it "home" to begin with.  When this happens, there should be a different term for "hometown".
And then I decided to do something which I knew would deepen the hollowness I was feeling...I drove past my old garage apartment and by default had to pass an ex's house on the way. In the year that I lived one street over from him, I cowardly took the back way to my place. But this time I had nothing to hide from (well, and I was wearing big sunglasses and driving a car that wasn't recognizable).  I half expected to see him outside meticulously washing his car with his kids on four- wheelers racing around. But instead the house was all locked up and the curtains (that I helped purchase) were closed. Only real difference was the floral pink wreath on the front door which  hinted to a new beginning that he was great at starting.

The night ended with a bunch of women on a porch drinking wine and sharing secrets. I have never understood why... but secrets always seem to make bonds between women stronger and only further annoy men.  You tell a man a secret and he gets uncomfortable but if you tell a woman a secret you have made a new friend.   I drank wine with an ache in my stomach knowing that it would be a long time before I felt this comfortable in these city limits again. This friend was only visiting and subsequently, so was I.

I drove away late in the night with that giddy feeling I felt as a child when I exited a Haunted House at Halloween or screamed loudly during a scary movie.  There's always that point when fear stops making you scream and it turns into a laugh. I don't think I've laughed that hard in a long time.