Fear of Complaint

“Scar tissue is stronger than regular tissue. Realize the strength, move on.” ~Henry Rollins

After working a string of jobs where I had to deal with grief and dying on a daily basis I have a nasty habit of not validating my own complaints because I’ve seen so much worse. Jobs like Hospice, Rape Crisis, and Cancer can put your daily grind of complaints in perspective. I recently lost a friend who is a year younger than me to cancer. It wasn’t a short journey either. It ravaged his body till the very end. Clearly what I am going through is a walk in the park compared to the pain scale of more serious conditions. So why should I feel entitled to ever experience sadness or grief about my own ups and downs with life?  For starters…it’s all I got. I want to overcome my fear of complaint. It’s something I abhor in others but even more so in myself.  It’s not the complaining itself but the vulnerability that is required to complain. Those people who hate complainers are usually bad at reaching out in times of need. I’d prefer a complainer over someone who isn’t brave enough to trust in the united power of complaint. Perhaps it’s also other people’s reaction to my complaints that I get nervous with. I have had multiple people tell me that they are praying for me (whether to Jesus, Mohammad or Buda). And then other’s who have clearly stated that if they believed in a God, they would pray but since not, they are wishing me well. I have to have a ecumenical response to whoever my audience is. I’d hate to say ‘thank you for your prayers’ when on the phone with a friend who I know is a devout atheist and vice versa. Gets hairy to keep up with but funny at the same time (this is not to say that I mind). Teaches me that complaining equally reveals something about yourself as much as the person you are talking to.  There are endless quotes, books and ideologies that warn about the danger of complaining. What is it about our culture that we hold suffering in silence with such high regard? I know that the people I love the most are the ones that I complain to. Have you ever had the freeing experience of answering a cashier at the grocery store's question of, "Hi, how are you today?" with the truth? There's freedom in the honesty of complaint. So feel free to share your complaints, I can assure you that I would be honored. If life were good all the time, what a boring ride this would be.  A special shout out to all of those suffering from Cedar Fever…that sucks.