The Letter

I used to be on a bike team and rode with my teammates 5 times per week. A couple of years ago a man on my team was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer. I wrote him a letter when I first learned about his diagnosis. I visited him in his home one week before he lost the fight. He weighed 90Ibs and could barely speak. I had to sit very close to his bedside to hear what he had to say. Before speaking to me, he reached into his pillowcase and pulled out the letter I wrote him. He whispered, “Rainey, thank you so much for these words. They have helped to get me through this struggle.” My eyes grew wide and all I could think was, “My crappy and klutzy letter gave this dying man courage?!” I was humbled beyond words. Today while cleaning out my closet and busy making preparations for my upcoming wedding, I found a copy of this letter. I will tell you now; I never did keep my promise to him. But I guess it’s not too late? Here it is…
Dear Ken,
Hello, it’s Rainey here from the team. I have just learned of your cancer. I wanted to get you a card but I didn’t find any that read something like, “Hey, I just heard that you’ve got cancer and are in a fight for your life.” Hallmark really doesn’t have a card for all occasions so I’ve settled for putting the pen to paper.
I just wanted you to know that even though the extent of our relationship is an exchange of small talk and pleasantries on our rides, unknowingly, you have been an inspiration to me. I have put a lot of boundaries upon myself due to imaginary limitations and insecurities. One main one is my large fear of competition in sports. I do all of this training with zero intention of joining a race. I always feel like I am too weak, not strong enough or too sick. But everyday that I saw you in training doing the same regime as me, I often thought to myself, “Well hell, if he can do it, than maybe I can too?” But of course I learned very quickly that you are in far better shape than me! Between your riding, kick boxing class, spin class, and weight lifting- others and myself are in shock to learn of your illness. So I am writing with the purpose of telling you that you have not only impressed and inspired me but others on the team as well. I am still very terrified of doing a bike race. But as of learning of your illness yesterday, I give myself and you my word that my coward ass will sign up for one because now I think to myself, “Well, if Ken is in the best shape of his life and can get ill, then I must not waste precious time on fear.”
Ken, I do not pretend to know what you’re going through but know that you’re in my thoughts and prayers. I cut out a quote from a magazine last year and put it on my door so that on the way out I can read it and be motivated daily. I hope you can find meaning in it too. It reads, “The road to where ever begins here.”
Sincerely,
Rainey